In the convent I used to meet a lot of people. As a franciscan friar and because I had a social status in society, many people knew my name, maybe the way I deal with people, the way I used to preach etc.....
But how many people knew me well? How many people did I know really well? It's quite a small number......even though in church I used to talk with hundreds every Sunday.
Now having a family, especially three children and a wife, I realised that building up a relationship is quite handful task. In a family we don't meet simply because we need each other, like in church where people used to talk to me because of a wedding, a confirmation or for administering the sacrament of reconciliation!
We grow day by day. Sometimes we're watching TV and the young ones say something about the movie. We are surprised that they are learning very fast! Sometimes they used some expressions which were surely uttered at school. Our biggest son, Francesco speaks to us regularly. I notice the change in the character, tastes, wishes etc.....Well he's growing up! Sometimes he too gives us surprises in the sense that what he said just a few days ago has already changed!
Even my wife, she is a human being too. She changes too. She changes the way she handles our children. Our relationship grows and changes too.
It's another reason why I like married priesthood. In many parishes considering the population and the number of available priests, relationships are surely disappearing. People themselves simply look for a priest, just when the need arises!
In married priests' lives, they have a real taste of relationships. We notice changes in each other because we're a family! We stay close to each other even if we don't agree 100%. But that's the joy of a family, that there is always somebody who is going to support you in difficult times.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Being in the World
I remember studying the document The Church in the world today (Gaudium et Spes). The idea was that the church looks at the world in a positive way instead of the usual condemnation!
Being a married priest in Malta, I lost all the protective layer I had earlier in convent. Now I had to deal with the usual tricks of normal business practise. I began to discover that the so-called christians did business in a very pagan way! I was surprised that the so called former friends were treating their co-workers very badly! They were so nice to me when I was in the parish!
One of them, as soon as he heard that the workers were trying to form part of a union, he immediately put all dirty tricks in order to persuade them not to! It was not simply hearing about others, I was experiencing them first hand too!
At work this summer I discovered what I've been suspecting, that a friend of mine was secretly talking badly about me behind my back. I simply couldn't imagine that this friend was behaving like a school boy!!
Another 'friend' made me work hard for him. But when it came to paying for what I had already done (months before), he came with all sorts of excuses..... He tried to made me understand that there was no need of bugging him about the pay. He'll pay me, maybe in the next year or in 2010!
Another one made me sign up a contract of work. He didn't keep up his word as he didn't give me enough work as obliged by the contract. Yet he doesn't hide his face. He keeps smiling. He keeps promising that one day more work will arrive. Obviously he never answers the question When?
There are cases when shopkeepers tend to excuse themselves when giving the wrong change (on the condition that the customer is aware of the mistake!), others make silly mistakes all the time when it comes to write down the correct price. Others tend to add invisible things to your list! Some make you pay simply because you put your feet in their shop!
There are many cases but I don't wish to annoy my readers. My final thought is that being a married catholic priest makes me more aware of the skilful robbers of today. Justice seemed not to belong any more to our dictionary! There is a lot of work to do in the pastoral field! The fact that I live in today's world makes me more available and understanding.
Being a married priest in Malta, I lost all the protective layer I had earlier in convent. Now I had to deal with the usual tricks of normal business practise. I began to discover that the so-called christians did business in a very pagan way! I was surprised that the so called former friends were treating their co-workers very badly! They were so nice to me when I was in the parish!
One of them, as soon as he heard that the workers were trying to form part of a union, he immediately put all dirty tricks in order to persuade them not to! It was not simply hearing about others, I was experiencing them first hand too!
At work this summer I discovered what I've been suspecting, that a friend of mine was secretly talking badly about me behind my back. I simply couldn't imagine that this friend was behaving like a school boy!!
Another 'friend' made me work hard for him. But when it came to paying for what I had already done (months before), he came with all sorts of excuses..... He tried to made me understand that there was no need of bugging him about the pay. He'll pay me, maybe in the next year or in 2010!
Another one made me sign up a contract of work. He didn't keep up his word as he didn't give me enough work as obliged by the contract. Yet he doesn't hide his face. He keeps smiling. He keeps promising that one day more work will arrive. Obviously he never answers the question When?
There are cases when shopkeepers tend to excuse themselves when giving the wrong change (on the condition that the customer is aware of the mistake!), others make silly mistakes all the time when it comes to write down the correct price. Others tend to add invisible things to your list! Some make you pay simply because you put your feet in their shop!
There are many cases but I don't wish to annoy my readers. My final thought is that being a married catholic priest makes me more aware of the skilful robbers of today. Justice seemed not to belong any more to our dictionary! There is a lot of work to do in the pastoral field! The fact that I live in today's world makes me more available and understanding.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Conflict of characters and background
Some of my readers have commented that maybe I always write positive things about married priesthood. Maybe they are right. I never intended to give a false image. I want to be sincere in my writings as otherwise they would lose all importance.
Well living with a woman, one usually understands that there are differences they way we see things and the way they see the same things. This is reflected in various aspects such as practical things: which colour one prefers for our son's room or what are we going to cook and other more important decisions such as looking after children or giving them a solid formation.
Comparing to what I have lived in the convent it was always very easy to discard other friars especially living in Rome where the community totalled 200!!! If one has a conflict just move on to something else....How could I do that now in a family of three?? (now it's five!!)
Sometimes I had to give a chance to somebody's else opinion. But bit by bit I learned that there are other ways of doing the same thing! It seems to be natural but it was not for me until living in a normal family. We had to face the consequences of our choices. We couldn't avoid each other for long. In the meantime in a family there are urgent matters all the time. We have to forget all our differences and walk together......
People started to notice that my homilies were more down to earth now. I could speak about conflicts with more confidence now!
Well living with a woman, one usually understands that there are differences they way we see things and the way they see the same things. This is reflected in various aspects such as practical things: which colour one prefers for our son's room or what are we going to cook and other more important decisions such as looking after children or giving them a solid formation.
Comparing to what I have lived in the convent it was always very easy to discard other friars especially living in Rome where the community totalled 200!!! If one has a conflict just move on to something else....How could I do that now in a family of three?? (now it's five!!)
Sometimes I had to give a chance to somebody's else opinion. But bit by bit I learned that there are other ways of doing the same thing! It seems to be natural but it was not for me until living in a normal family. We had to face the consequences of our choices. We couldn't avoid each other for long. In the meantime in a family there are urgent matters all the time. We have to forget all our differences and walk together......
People started to notice that my homilies were more down to earth now. I could speak about conflicts with more confidence now!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Can I confess ?
People who have left the church are not bad at all. Notwithstanding that they have not entered the church for quite a long time they still have religious feelings. They wish to come back to God. Even the official church says that everybody is welcome.
But in practical terms, not everybody is welcome! Why? Because if they are not married in the church than they cannot receive the sacraments, as if sleeping with someone is the biggest sin of them all. Well, the young people are facing enormous debts to build their first house. They are looking for something simple. The go to the bank and the realise that they have to make monthly payments for nearly all their life! Those selling houses are becoming really rich at the expense of the young. Yet when they go to church they can receive holy communion............
There is the one who murdered the father of the family. He left the wife and the children hopeless. He changed their lives forever. One can imagine the suffering in a 9 year old girl. How is one going to explain to her that her father is not coming home. Never. How is she going to face the death of her father ? Yet even a murderer, if he goes to confession, can receive holy communion!!!!!!
There are many more examples which the people in street feel that they are being cheated.
It is these questions which we need to address. But we cannot assume that they are going to accept any answer. That is the fact that unmarried priests seem to forget: one cannot feed people with cut and paste answers!
Are we sure that Christ would have asked if they slept together? What is the worst sin for Christ ? According to the gospel even meeting with the prostitute he never condemned except the very priests of the day because they had the feel good factor for themselves while they made it very difficult for others to enter the kingdom of heaven!! He called the priests (of his times) many harsh words.......He never used such terminology for the common man in the street!
That's why as married priests we accept all sorts of people. We feel that we are not judges but rather instruments of God to make it easier for people to meet Him. How can I refuse sacraments to a couple who have found love and are living peacefully while others who are in the business sector receive the sacraments freely?
So it's not surprising that speaking with people, at the end of the discussion they would ask me for confession. I will duly celebrate the sacrament (feast) of love by accepting them back in the church. Surprisingly the number of people who are not married or who have left the first marriage and found new love in Malta is rising at a steady rate. I know that such a large number of people cannot go wrong. They have the first right for a true loving life. You are all welcome!
But in practical terms, not everybody is welcome! Why? Because if they are not married in the church than they cannot receive the sacraments, as if sleeping with someone is the biggest sin of them all. Well, the young people are facing enormous debts to build their first house. They are looking for something simple. The go to the bank and the realise that they have to make monthly payments for nearly all their life! Those selling houses are becoming really rich at the expense of the young. Yet when they go to church they can receive holy communion............
There is the one who murdered the father of the family. He left the wife and the children hopeless. He changed their lives forever. One can imagine the suffering in a 9 year old girl. How is one going to explain to her that her father is not coming home. Never. How is she going to face the death of her father ? Yet even a murderer, if he goes to confession, can receive holy communion!!!!!!
There are many more examples which the people in street feel that they are being cheated.
It is these questions which we need to address. But we cannot assume that they are going to accept any answer. That is the fact that unmarried priests seem to forget: one cannot feed people with cut and paste answers!
Are we sure that Christ would have asked if they slept together? What is the worst sin for Christ ? According to the gospel even meeting with the prostitute he never condemned except the very priests of the day because they had the feel good factor for themselves while they made it very difficult for others to enter the kingdom of heaven!! He called the priests (of his times) many harsh words.......He never used such terminology for the common man in the street!
That's why as married priests we accept all sorts of people. We feel that we are not judges but rather instruments of God to make it easier for people to meet Him. How can I refuse sacraments to a couple who have found love and are living peacefully while others who are in the business sector receive the sacraments freely?
So it's not surprising that speaking with people, at the end of the discussion they would ask me for confession. I will duly celebrate the sacrament (feast) of love by accepting them back in the church. Surprisingly the number of people who are not married or who have left the first marriage and found new love in Malta is rising at a steady rate. I know that such a large number of people cannot go wrong. They have the first right for a true loving life. You are all welcome!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
What do you think.....?
The privilege of living amongst the people is that sometimes they tell you in full trust: do you think that marriage is more difficult than the life in the monastery or convent ? And it's not only about this question but about many others....such as do you understand women more now ?
What makes me think is that the common people and the people governing the church live kilometres apart! The traditional priests still preach after reading books, the married priest has the daily living challenges to keep him on track!
Normal common people question a lot about the teaching of the church about many subjects such as contraceptives, divorce, cohabitation etc....What I find perplexing is that they have been bombarded with the same old view of the teaching of the church. When I start just giving them some information then they'll realise that before discussing or taking sides they have been already taken for a ride!! It's really disgusting that they picture divorce as if there is only one opinion from Jesus' lips and that's a no!!! Well there are many interpretations for that gospel. Marriage started many years (centuries actually) later and was not religious at all. The rich people had to make sure that all their property would stay in the family....
Who is going to give all this information to the people? The positive side is that the people don't take the clerics too seriously and that they decide silently in their hearts. Just looking at the consumption of contraceptives in Malta will prove this!
But I do think that the people need someone to show them that their choices are right after all. Because many people care about making choices according to some religious belief. We hope of starting fresh and honest discussions in our pastoral work.
What makes me think is that the common people and the people governing the church live kilometres apart! The traditional priests still preach after reading books, the married priest has the daily living challenges to keep him on track!
Normal common people question a lot about the teaching of the church about many subjects such as contraceptives, divorce, cohabitation etc....What I find perplexing is that they have been bombarded with the same old view of the teaching of the church. When I start just giving them some information then they'll realise that before discussing or taking sides they have been already taken for a ride!! It's really disgusting that they picture divorce as if there is only one opinion from Jesus' lips and that's a no!!! Well there are many interpretations for that gospel. Marriage started many years (centuries actually) later and was not religious at all. The rich people had to make sure that all their property would stay in the family....
Who is going to give all this information to the people? The positive side is that the people don't take the clerics too seriously and that they decide silently in their hearts. Just looking at the consumption of contraceptives in Malta will prove this!
But I do think that the people need someone to show them that their choices are right after all. Because many people care about making choices according to some religious belief. We hope of starting fresh and honest discussions in our pastoral work.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Family Relationships
Being the Reverend Father in the church makes a lot of things much easier. One has authority as soon as one speaks even though nowadays some priests are being criticized as well. People look for counselling or an authoritative opinion. But when the priest gets married the whole environment changes!
In a family, anybody can be challenged. Living 24/7 with others one cannot simply pretend to have the last and final word in many matters! Sometimes it's the wife or the son who doesn't agree. Obviously in the beginning it was hard for me to adjust to the new circumstances......
On the other hand I learned a lot of new stuff such as dealing with a normal boy when he stamps his feet down and says no! Other ways of reaching a decision...seeking to know about the other significant other's background......
Sometimes I had to admit that my ways of taking care of a child were not the best in the situation. Anyway, bit by bit I learned how to be in command by taking a lesser aggressive role. In the convent I had a room all by myself. I had my own private space and time. In the family, obviously most of these comforts disappeared. Yet obviously it was compensated by other gifts such as the joy of doing something together. I started a real and practical course in the We-ness ie. working together as a team and not a bunch of individuals!
In this sense I'm learning to celebrate Christmas in a new way. Seeing Jesus in a normal family who had normal tensions and opportunities.......I focused not only on baby jesus (nappies??) but as well when Jesus was an adult and was still living with his parents. How did he manage his priesthood with his family ties?
In a family, anybody can be challenged. Living 24/7 with others one cannot simply pretend to have the last and final word in many matters! Sometimes it's the wife or the son who doesn't agree. Obviously in the beginning it was hard for me to adjust to the new circumstances......
On the other hand I learned a lot of new stuff such as dealing with a normal boy when he stamps his feet down and says no! Other ways of reaching a decision...seeking to know about the other significant other's background......
Sometimes I had to admit that my ways of taking care of a child were not the best in the situation. Anyway, bit by bit I learned how to be in command by taking a lesser aggressive role. In the convent I had a room all by myself. I had my own private space and time. In the family, obviously most of these comforts disappeared. Yet obviously it was compensated by other gifts such as the joy of doing something together. I started a real and practical course in the We-ness ie. working together as a team and not a bunch of individuals!
In this sense I'm learning to celebrate Christmas in a new way. Seeing Jesus in a normal family who had normal tensions and opportunities.......I focused not only on baby jesus (nappies??) but as well when Jesus was an adult and was still living with his parents. How did he manage his priesthood with his family ties?
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Xmas is coming......
As in recent years, when big feasts are very near I always meet some new persons. People are looking for gifts. They are in a festive mood. But deep down they don't forget about the true feeling of Christmas.
They get to know that there is a married priest! Is it true? When they get to know that I do have a family with common problems, they come forward and ask me first for information. How did I decide, what made me change my mind, who proposed to start living together etc......Then they ask for more Information about my family, kids, school, work, sex etc....
Then they start to ask questions about the church.
They want to know more. They ask many questions. They are still not sure, although they readily accept this new reality. Finally they ask for sacraments. They feel at peace with a human church. It's what they were looking for in these last years...!!!
We don't rush as we don't wish to apply the sacraments blindly. As they did in the beginning of the church, they started catechesis first, sacraments came later. We always try to build the sense of the community. Together we can make it! We are a family. That's what the married priest is all about. It's not the good or famous priest anymore, but it's a whole family struggling together.
They get to know that there is a married priest! Is it true? When they get to know that I do have a family with common problems, they come forward and ask me first for information. How did I decide, what made me change my mind, who proposed to start living together etc......Then they ask for more Information about my family, kids, school, work, sex etc....
Then they start to ask questions about the church.
They want to know more. They ask many questions. They are still not sure, although they readily accept this new reality. Finally they ask for sacraments. They feel at peace with a human church. It's what they were looking for in these last years...!!!
We don't rush as we don't wish to apply the sacraments blindly. As they did in the beginning of the church, they started catechesis first, sacraments came later. We always try to build the sense of the community. Together we can make it! We are a family. That's what the married priest is all about. It's not the good or famous priest anymore, but it's a whole family struggling together.
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